Damn son our uterus stretches like 5x the size and then contracts and pushes a 7 pound baby out of a small tube into life if you think that isn’t metal as fuck get out of my face
YOUR ORGANS THOUGH IM SO SORRY LADIES
damn selfish babies taking up all the space
NAW MAN, LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT PREGNANCY AND BABIES, ALRIGHT?
FIRST OF ALL, IT SUCKS DICK. FIRST OFF LET ME GIVE YOU A MOTHERFUCKING RUNDOWN ON WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T EAT OR DRINK WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT.
- NO UNCOOKED ANYTHING IN FUCKING GENERAL ACTUALLY. AND ESPECIALLY NOT FISH.
- ANYTHING WITH CAFFEINE IN IT, WHICH INCLUDES COFFEE, SODA, CHOCOLATE (THAT’S RIGHT, NO CHOCOLATE), SEVERAL TYPES OF COOKIES AND CANDIES, AND ENERGY DRINKS.
- VEGETABLES AND MEATS THAT ARE RICH IN NITRATES LIKE HOTDOGS, SAUSAGE, LETTUCE, SPINACH AND CELERY.
SO BASICALLY IF YOU’RE USED TO EATING OR DRINKING ANY OF THOSE THINGS YOU BETTER BE PREPARED TO QUIT COLD TURKEY THE SECOND YOU GET PREGNANT.
NOW I’M NOT EVEN DONE. YOU SEE THAT PINK UPSIDE-DOWN TRIANGLE BELOW THE BABY’S HEAD? YEAH? THAT’S YOUR BLADDER. BABIES SQUEEZE DOWN ON THAT LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND ONCE YOU HIT THE THIRD TRIMESTER, YOU BASICALLY HAVE AN ELDERLY PERSON’S BLADDER. MY MOTHER TELLS ME SHE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT LEAST 6 TIMES A DAY JUST SO SHE WOULDN’T WET HERSELF. ALSO WITH A BABY SQUEEZING’ UP AGAINST YOUR FUCKING INTESTINES LIKE THAT SAY HELLO TO CONSTIPATION NATION, EVERYONE.
SO NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE THE BLADDER AND BOWELS OF AN OLD PERSON, BUT THAT GROWING HUMAN BEING GROWING OUT OF YOUR GULLET ALSO PUTS A HUUUUGE STRAIN ON YOUR BACK. NOT TO MENTION IT’S A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS TO MOVE ANYWHERE, SINCE YOU NEED TO START WALKING LIKE SOMEONE OUT OF A MONTY PYTHON SKIT JUST TO GET AROUND EFFICIENTLY. ALSO THAT ADDED WEIGHT MAKES YOUR FEET ACHE SOMETHING AWFUL. SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?
WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU CAN’T TAKE ASPRIN. ABSOLUTELY NO ASPRIN. NO IBUPROFEN, NO NAPROXEN NO NOTHING.
SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU IN PROBABLY THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE YOU WILL EVER BE, BUT YOUR MEDICINE CHOICES ARE EXTREMELY FUCKING LIMITED. (AND NO, I MENTIONED NO CHOCOLATE EITHER.)
DO YOU GUYS NOT REALIZE THAT THE FATE OF SOCIETY AND THE HUMAN RACE IN GENERAL IS BASED ON THE FACT THAT WOMEN MOSTLY CHOOSE TO GET PREGNANT? FOR LITTLE TO NO REWARD?! THE UNITED STATES ONLY GIVES 12 UNPAID WEEKS OF MATERNITY LEAVE ON AVERAGE.
YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE FUCKING PROCESS BY WHICH OUR POPULATION CONTINUES TO GROW WOULD BE FUCKING REWARDED AND CELEBRATED, NOT SWEPT UNDER THE FUCKING RUG LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING DUST.
Greatest rant ever.
This is the most important .gif in human history
shibas be like ” i’ll be a baerito for you. “
is that butter
no it’s stonehenge
I can’t believe it’s not butter
The first time i saw this vine, i laughed so hard.
YESSS MY FAVORITE!!!!
I ALMOST SHOVED MY COMPUTER OFF MY DESK OH GOD
I said that this couldn’t be that great.
I was so wrong.
My father told me once to never date anyone who talks smoothly around you from the start because if someone likes you they should be a little nervous and honestly I think that’s some of the best advice anyone has ever given me.
the best headline i’ve ever read.
yes. apparently a kid was screaming in line behind him about wanting pie, so he bought every single one. 23 pies. then slowly ate them as he stared at the kid and kid’s mom.
This is amazing
OKAY so my mom found this article (or one about the same event) on Facebook. Basically what happened was, this guy went into BK with a headache, and while he was in line this kid and his mother enter the restaurant. The kid begins throwing a fit, screaming (I quote) “I want a fucking pie!” This is a child, mind you. His mother, on the phone, ignores the kid. The man’s headache got worse because of this screaming kid and he asked the woman if she could control her child. She told him to stop telling him how to raise her kid and went back to talking on the phone. So the guy orders his burger and all the pies they had- 23. He proceeded to the exit, only to hear the woman yell, “What do you mean, you don’t have any pies?” The cashier helplessly points out the man who bought all the pies. Our hero, to rub salt in the wound, slowly starts eating a pie before leaving.
“In 1921, early suffragettes often donned a bathing suit and ate pizza in large groups to annoy men…it was a custom at the time”
WHY ARE WE NOT ALL DOING THIS CONSTANTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PIZZA AND FEMINISM FOR ALL ASAP
do you ever just passionately miss the first series of doctor who but not just because you miss Nine but because you miss the monsters and the simple story lines that were new and so interesting and the companions that didn’t need a magic back story to be special and weren’t just a new puzzle for the doctor to solve they were just ordinary people with ordinary lives and taught (especially the young viewers) that anyone can be a hero i just really miss season one okay